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So… sometimes I dream crazy shit…

April 14, 2010

You may say I’m a dreamer / But I’m not the only one

So. I have crazy fucking dreams. Someday, I’ll tell you about how I dreamt that I was supposed to marry Ronald McDonald, but his mother didn’t approve because I’m a vegetarian.

Actually… I just told you. That was the whole dream.


Last night, I had the funniest, weirdest dream that I’ve had in a long time. It was most likely wine-fueled, as I had quite a bit of wine while watching the return of Glee.

It started with me riding my bike — the bright blue vintage Schwinn that I owned when I lived in Arizona — along a really busy road. And, because I’m not particularly coordinated, I kept kinda falling off the bike. One time, I really fell, and bashed one wheel against the curb. When I got back on the bike, I could barely get it to move. I kept trying, and kept thinking “What is wrong with my bike?”

Then, I looked down and realized that when I hit the curb, I basically turned the front wheel of my bike into Pacman. So I walked it over to the side of the road.

And this random teenage girl walked up to me, looked at the bike, and said “If you had a knife on you, you could fix that shit right now!” And then walked away.

So I was standing on the side of road, next to a food stand. And the guy who owned the stand walked up to me and said that he would help me fix my bike in a few minutes.

And then I realized that his skin was PURPLE. So I asked him why.

And he said, “I make wine. But I crush the grapes with my whole body, not just my feet. I’ve been doing it for so long, that my skin has been dyed by the grapes.”

And then he offered me some of the wine. And I wasn’t really that into trying it. Because he crushed the grapes with his WHOLE BODY. His… man bits… were on those grapes. When I told him that, he reassured me that he always wore underwear while crushing grapes.

So I tasted the wine, and it was super delicious. And then there were a whole lot of people drinking wine.

And then I don’t really remember the next part of the dream.

The next part I remember is getting back to my house and wanting to buy some music from iTunes. But every single song available in iTunes was by the Jonas Brothers. I don’t mean that iTunes decided to exclusively sell only Jonas Brothers music. I mean every single song in the HISTORY of music was replaced by a version by the Jonas Brothers.

And then I woke up.

My brain wins.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Sydney Rebecca permalink
    April 14, 2010 9:16 am

    So… YOUR BRAIN IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BRAINS EVAAAAAAAA! Just thought I’d remind you of that.

    Also, my favorite part: “Because he crushed the grapes with his WHOLE BODY. His… man bits… were on those grapes.”

    Drink more wine before sleep so we can hear more of these crazy funny dreams!

    Your Officemate

  2. April 14, 2010 9:46 am

    “I mean every single song in the HISTORY of music was replaced by a version by the Jonas Brothers.”

    Oh dear…that classifies this as a nightmare.

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